Seeing Red
by EppieG
Summary: Tracey Kelly pairing. Not part of any series. Angst ahead.
1. Angst ahead

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
Title: Seeing Red Part 1/10  
Pairing: Tracey/Kelly  
Rating: R  
Notes/Summary: Angst ahead. Not part of any series.

* * *

Tracey was mid-conversation with a federal prosecutor on her office line when her cell vibrated for the third time. The racket it raised as it hummed and bounced on her files was not unlike a large angry mosquito. With great irritation she reached out and slapped at it, much like she would have done to the insect it seemed to be mimicking. It clattered onto the exposed wood of her desktop, causing her to swear under her breath. Across the room, Kelly arched an eyebrow as she listened to her partner struggle to maintain her composure.

"No, Phil, I am not going to budge on this one. No deal. I go first, then you can have him." Tracey's voice was clipped and measured. Despite the distraction of her cell phone, she seemed set to hold her ground. Pursing her lips as she shook her head, she nearly barked into the receiver, "Well, you DO that!" Kelly's head whipped up as the phone slammed down. "Bastard."

"That went well." She watched Tracey seethe and clench her fists.

"It's the arrogance that kills me ... the unmitigated gall that he has ..." She blew a long puff of air from her lips, almost as if she were literally venting her anger. "Doesn't matter. We have the right of way, so to speak." Glaring down at her desk, she snatched up her cell and flipped it open. The text message that she read there caused her to swear again.

"Problem?"

The correct answer was yes. Rereading the short text, Tracey cursed silently. /Tonight. Red Sky. 9. Ro./ She had to end this before it got any worse. "It's nothing." That was certainly true.

"Anything I can do?"

Oh, if only. "I can handle it." She said that as much to convince herself as Kelly. "I'm going down to Branch's office ... make sure he holds the line on the Canton case. I'll be damned if Phil's going to outmaneuver me."

Dismissed, and disappointed that Tracey hadn't shared more about what was bothering her, Kelly nodded. "Good luck." Her eyes followed Tracey as she left the room. The dust up with the Feds she understood. The other thing ... that had to be personal. She wished she could stop herself from wondering just how personal.

* * *

As she wandered down the sidewalk, lost in thought, Tracey tried to place exactly when she had known. It wasn't right away, she knew that much. It had taken a while for Kelly Gaffney to weave her way in. Sure, she was smart, imminently competent, intuitive, sexy as hell, persistent, compassionate ... all of those things. But Tracey had still resisted. At first it was because she WAS so special. It had taken Tracey a long time to find someone who complimented her so at work. They were a phenomenal team and a formidable one. Tracey valued that. Thrived on it. She wanted to preserve it at all costs. But then, suddenly, the cost was too high. When had that happened? Had there been one moment that tipped the scales? Tracey couldn't recall just one. Instead it was like an avalanche of small gestures, close encounters. Kelly's hand resting on her back as they bent over a file. The way she fussed and hovered when Tracey was too stressed or under the weather. The light pressure of Kelly's fingers on her arm in court just before the verdict was read. Those eyes. Jesus. Somehow, little by little, they had melted everything, straight through to Tracey's heart. And now she didn't know what to do. With every cell of her body she wanted to hang onto what she had, but just as strongly, almost desperately, she wanted more. Kelly was truly her partner, her best friend. That was priceless to Tracey. She'd gone most of her life without real soul-deep friendship. Surely that was enough. And yet ... she was seriously contemplating losing it all, losing everything ... just to know the enchantment of one kiss.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, breaking her reverie. Damn. She had forgotten to respond earlier and now the message had been repeated. Okay okay okay. She hastily typed /will meet u there/ and hit "send." One thing was certain ... she couldn't even begin to think about "what ifs" with Kelly Gaffney until this situation was resolved. She would make sure of it tonight.

* * *

Dropping a tall stack of folders onto her desk with a muffled thud, Kelly sighed. Why had she wanted this job so badly? Boring, run-of-the-mill ambition at first, she supposed. Then she had observed Tracey Kibre in full prosecutorial splendor. It had absolutely taken her breath away. From that day on, she had kept abreast of all the comings and goings in Kibre's office, jumping at the first opening, vowing to be a part of that energy and environment. Now, here she was. Most days it was everything she could have dreamed. Today ... today was a long day. She glanced at the clock and was surprised to see that it was after eight. Taking a closer look at Tracey's desk, she realized that Tracey was gone for the night. She hadn't even said good-bye. Chastising herself, Kelly tried to believe that it didn't matter. It's not like they always walked out together or checked with each other before they headed home for the evening. Still, she mulled over the detachment Tracey had worn throughout the day and wished she had been there when her partner left the office. It's none of your business Gaffney. If she had wanted you to know what was going on she would have mentioned it to you. Get your own life. She started to shuffle some of the documents on her desk when she was interrupted by a short rap on the door.

"Hey ... you leavin'?" Chris Ravel stuck his head in.

"Looks that way." She reached for her coat and scarf. "What's up?"

Pushing the door all the way open, but not stepping inside, Ravell shoved both hands into his jacket. "Hector and I were just going to grab a drink ... thought you might want to join us."

Kelly's first impulse was to say no. She usually joined the others after work only if Tracey was going to be there. Sliding two folders into her briefcase and clasping it, she stared at the empty chair across the room. Get your own life. "Sure, why not." She turned the lamp off and moved toward the open door.

* * *

The music wasn't too loud and the lights weren't too harsh. Well, at least that was something. Tracey sat at the gleaming wooden bar, sipping her Crown and scanning the entrance every few minutes. Her legs were crossed and the tip of her shoe bobbed in time to the music, ankle dangling. For a brief moment, she wondered whether or not she should have dressed up, smoothing one hand down the skirt of her black dress. But just like in court, she felt more confident and commanding when she was well-attired. It was the right choice. Absently, she played with a matchbook, turning it over and over with her fingers. Red Sky Bar. This was new. They had not met here before. Taking a long sip of her drink she acknowledged that they wouldn't meet here again. Or anywhere again. She just wanted it to be over. Waving her finger at the bartender, she indicated that she wanted another round. Just as he moved away to fulfill her request she caught sight of her date. It was hard to miss that shade of red hair, flowing and soft, as she made her way through the crowd. She was wearing a jade green top of some clingy material that scooped up around her neck and left her shoulders and much of her back completely bare. The black pants were tight, but tastefully so, her legs made all the more shapely by the spiked heels of her shoes. She looked stunning. More than a few heads turned to follow her as she walked straight toward Tracey, a sly smile playing about her lips.

"There you are ..." She slid one hand up the curve of Tracey's hip as she sat on the barstool. With her other arm, she leaned on the bar rail, into Tracey's space, the signal she was sending to the rest of the bar unmistakable. They were together.

"You're late." Tracey took the last sip of her first drink and shook the ice slightly as she set the glass down, as if to say, 'this is how long I've been sitting here.'

"And you're irritated with me." She smiled and tilted her head in front of Tracey, "I'm not that late. Let's go up on the roof." She took Tracey's hand.

"Rochelle, we need to talk ... "

"We can talk upstairs ... it's quieter in the roof lounge anyway." She started to tug at Tracey's hand.

That would work, somewhere quieter. "Just a minute, he's making me another one." Tracey nodded her head toward the bartender. She needed that drink to get through the next few minutes.

Smiling again, Rochelle turned and leaned her back against the bar. Bringing Tracey's hand up to her lips, she lightly kissed her knuckles. "Okay, but once we're upstairs ... you're all mine."

* * *

Just as Ravell ushered Kelly out the front door of the building, Hector had rushed up to them, slightly out of breath and apologizing. Something had come up and he had to beg off. He was on his way out to the Bronx. Chris had clasped him on the shoulder and told him not to worry. Kelly called out to him that they'd see him in the morning, and both of them stood and watched until he was out of sight.

"You think everything's okay?"

Ravell turned and started toward his car. "Yeah, it's something with his mother, I'm sure."

"You two are close?" She fell in beside him on the sidewalk.

"Getting there." Chris shrugged. "You know how it is ... you work with someone ..."

She knew. "I wondered when you were first assigned here. I had the feeling you kind of rubbed some people the wrong way." Smiling, she swung her briefcase.

"Briscoe was a great guy, irreplaceable really. And I'm not the most humble individual ... " He grinned. "Yeah, it was tough to find my spot."

'I think the description I heard most often was "cocky sonofabitch." Grinning, she could hear Tracey echoing the sentiment.

"Guilty as charged." They had reached the vehicle, a nondescript sedan, typical cop car. Abruptly, Ravell veered to the passenger side and unlocked that door first. Swinging it wide, he gestured across his waist. "After you, ma'am."

Kelly raised her eyebrows. "So we're aiming for 'well-mannered cocky sonofabitch' now?" Slipping past him, she settled into the front seat.

"At your service."

As the door swung shut, Kelly briefly considered asking Ravell to drop her at her apartment. She had agreed to join the guys for a drink, but now that it was just the two of them ... Was she being silly? She and Chris were frequently alone following up leads, deposing witnesses ... this should be no different. Except that this was social. If she backed out now, wouldn't that make more of it than what it was? Besides, she had nothing better to do. It was a drink with a colleague. Get a grip. Fastening her seatbelt, she decided that it never hurt to get to know someone better.

* * *

Drumming her fingers on the surface of the bar, Tracey couldn't decide whether or not she wanted the bartender to work slower or faster on her drink. She wanted this evening and any unpleasantness to be behind her, but she wasn't looking forward to actually stating her case. Her eyes were fixed on the back of his vest, but she could feel cool green ones perusing her features. She hoped she was giving off a strictly neutral vibe.

"This isn't like you."

Rochelle's comment caused her to look up at the redhead. Her immediate response, which she quickly bit back, was "You don't know what I'm like." Instead, she responded evenly, 'What isn't?"

"Wanting to discuss our relationship ... it doesn't seem like you." Her long fingers toyed with the ends of Tracey's hair.

Tracey stifled the urge to roll her eyes. "First of all, it's not a relationship, Ro, it's more of an arrangement ..." She decided to ignore the flicker of something ... whatever it was ... that she picked up in her companion's expression as she clarified the terms.

"To-may-to ... to-mah-to ..." She dipped a shapely shoulder and brought their faces closer together. "No matter what you want to call it, talking is not something that we usually focus on ..."

Tracey flashed back to the first time they had met. That night had been all about dancing and groping and escape. She wasn't sure they had even exchanged names. It had been exhilarating. When they met again, it was less so, but still powerfully alluring. Tracey was the first one to bring up the phrase, "no strings attached." From then on, convenience was the key. That and respect for space. Lots and lots of space. Tracey didn't want this to overlap any other aspect of her life and so far the separation had been successful. The last thing she had expected to feel in the midst of all the heat and excitement was guilt. Or wistfulness. She couldn't complain about the sex. Rochelle knew how to get from A to Z with no problems and many bonuses. Still ... it wasn't enough. At some point it had begun to feel completely wrong. She wanted ... needed ... something more. But not with this woman.

"You're right. But tonight, it's important."

* * *

As he piloted the car in and out of traffic, Chris Ravell tried to banish the somewhat subliminally giddy feeling that he was on a date with Gaffney. He had asked her to join them tonight strictly on a whim, hardly believing that she would accept. She wasn't completely anti-social, but strangely enough, Kibre was the more likely of the two to rub elbows with them at a bar. As he glanced over at her profile periodically, he couldn't help but be attracted to her, he could admit it. Hell, just LOOK at her. He heard his father's voice, deep and rumbling, reminding him that it was a piss-poor idea to 'shit where you eat.' He generally agreed. He'd seen too many office romances turn everything to crap. Besides, it wasn't a date. Hector was supposed to be there. And yet, here they were, alone in his car, out at night together. Nothing to do with business. Just pretend she's Hector, or Newhouse, or any of the other guys. It's no different. Then she turned to him and smiled as the car pulled up along the curb and he knew he wasn't kidding anyone.

* * *

cont'd 


	2. Collision course

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
Title: Seeing Red Part 2/10  
Pairing: Tracey/Kelly  
Rating: R  
Notes/Summary: Collision course.

* * *

Tracey dropped a few more bills on the bar and curled her fingers around her fresh drink. Taking a deep sip, she steeled herself. It wasn't like she owed Rochelle anything. She had been very clear at the outset. No feelings involved. No strings attached. As long as it worked for both of them. No harm, no foul. So why did she feel like she was about to slam the door in a Girl Scout's face without buying any cookies? That thought almost made her chuckle. Rochelle was no Girl Scout. Whether she wanted to acknowledge it or not, Tracey was aware that the intimacies they had shared had begun to mean something to the redhead. And Tracey was not completely without compassion. She wished she were drunk.

"So it's nice up on the roof?" She was rapidly draining her second Crown. Thank God this one was stronger than the first.

"Yeah ... as soon as I saw it last week, I knew I wanted you to see it." She grabbed Tracey's free hand again and squeezed it for emphasis. "It's amazing."

Wearily, Tracey wondered if Rochelle had always looked as young as she did tonight. And if so, why hadn't she cared?

* * *

Exiting the car, Kelly took a deep breath. One drink, some nice conversation, evening over. She half-squinted at the name on the sign above the door as Chris handed the keys to the valet. "Red Sky Bar." She'd never heard of it ... and hadn't paid much attention to how they had gotten there. It didn't have the look of a typical after work watering-hole. Her voice a little skeptical, she turned to Ravell. "Why did you pick this place? It doesn't seem to be the usual cop bar ..."

"Good call, counselor. Hector and I got a tip from a knowledgeable source that this was a great place to meet classy women." He waggled his eyebrows at her as he took her elbow. "So, being the top-notch investigators that we are, we decided to run it down."

At first Kelly was speechless. She could totally believe he was telling the truth. She burst out laughing. As they ducked through the doorway, she raised her voice to respond, "And you invited me because ...?"

Guiding her through the throng near the entrance over toward a rare vacant seat, Chris leaned close to her as he answered, "Well, honestly, it was a spur of the moment thing ... BUT ... I didn't think it would hurt our chances to be seen in the company of a lady who is very classy herself." He pulled the chair back for her as she reached the small table.

Her eyes laughing as well now, Kelly loud-talked back, "And pray tell, how were you going to explain my presence if BOTH of you happened to get lucky?" She stood for a moment longer as Ravell started to help her remove her coat.

Grasping her collar from behind, he slid the garment down both her arms and flung it over his forearm, still leaning close to her ear. "I was going to tell them you were my sister ..."

Kelly erupted in gales of laughter. Rolling her eyes as she slid into her chair, she couldn't help but be charmed and amused by his presence tonight. This might turn out to be okay after all.

* * *

Setting her near-empty glass on the bar with a clinking thud, Tracey stood up. Their fingers linked together, she allowed herself to be pulled by Rochelle into the main area of the first floor lounge. She gazed up and down at the expanse of exposed skin of the taller woman's back as they snaked around couples and groups of patrons. She had to admit that Rochelle had a fine body. Her eyes skimmed down to where the delicate spine disappeared behind a small scrap of green fabric just above the waistband of the black slacks. Mighty fine. Shaking her head quickly, she told herself that she needed to avoid that train of thought at all costs if she was going to get through this. As she glanced away from the temptation, her eyes settled on a couple just entering the bar.

In the fleeting seconds that it took for her mind to register who exactly it was that she was looking at, her only thought was "attractive pair, cute together." Then time stood utterly still as the floor dropped out from under her and the noise of the bar warped and howled around her ears from far away. Fuck. No. In shock, she stared, the rest of the bar receding as if in a dream or a stupid movie, while Kelly and Ravell moved toward a table. Maybe it wasn't ... THE HELL IT WASN'T ... she took in every glance between them, the light in Kelly's eyes as she smiled, the body language as Ravell leaned in close, his hands moving up toward her neck as he took her coat, then the absolute delight of Kelly's face glowing with laughter. NO. NO. NO. The slicing pain lanced through her body as she froze there, helpless. Such a fool. Such a fucking fool! How could she not have seen? Because you only see what you want to see, Tracey. Always. DAMMIT. Bitterly, she tried to control the urge to scream, break something, flee. MY GOD this hurt.

Then Rochelle's face moved in front of her, mercifully blocking her view of THEM, full of question and then concern. She knew she was standing there woodenly, totally gobsmacked, but she couldn't speak. As Rochelle's hand brushed her cheek, it was like a switch was thrown inside her. All of her anger and frustration burned through her in a instant and her eyes blazed hot. Suddenly Rochelle was her escape again. Without a thought she forced the younger woman back onto the end of a leather bench in a booth near the stairway, stepping between her knees. Bending Rochelle's head back with a fist tangled under her fire-red hair, Tracey plunged in for a ferocious bruising kiss.

* * *

Draping Kelly's coat over the back of his chair and trying to make eye contact with a server in the teeming bar, Chris settled into his seat next to Gaffney. He was terribly pleased that he had made her laugh and wanted to keep that relaxed easy mood going. Just as he was about to ask her what she'd have, his gaze was drawn to one of the hottest things he'd ever seen. Directly across the bar from them, in plain view, a petite brunette in a black dress was playing tonsil-hockey with a willowy redhead. Now THAT would be first in his report back to Hector. They were really going at it and he slanted his head to get a better look. "HOLY SHIT." He nearly fell out of his chair. Stunned, he continued to stare, mouth open. "Holy shit."

Kelly had been unwinding her scarf when she heard Ravell blurt out the first expletive. Grinning, she assumed he had just spotted one of the 'classy women' he was on the lookout for. But when she glanced at his face, saw the pole-axed expression, her grin turned into a quizzical frown. When he didn't move or react to her, she followed the path of his eyes, the second exclamation ringing in her ears as she saw what had rendered him so numb.

She recognized Tracey immediately. Oh god. She stopped breathing. Her mind exploded ... Who? Was? That? Wave after sickening wave of icy cold reality washed over her, battered her. Tracey was with someone ... beautiful ... not her. Deeply involved. Passionately. Fuck. Me. She was suffocating. Her chest was being crushed slowly. That woman ... HATE HER ... wishing ... OH GOD. Hadn't known ... of course not ... so private ... FUCK FUCK FUCK ... stop just STOP ... look away ... can't ... Tracey. Dying. Don't care. Lost anyway.

* * *

When they finally came up for air, Tracey was panting. Rochelle, while thoroughly confused, was also thoroughly aroused. Her hands were hooked firmly at Tracey's waist. Her green eyes dark and glazed over. She tried to pull Tracey back into her, but Tracey bent to murmur near her ear, "Let's get out of here."

She needed to be away, to be consumed with something other than rational thought. She didn't give a flying fuck what happened tomorrow, she just wanted to get lost tonight.

Rochelle nodded, sliding her hand over Tracey's ass.

* * *

Ravell finally stopped gaping when he heard something similar to a sob, or maybe just a gasp, from Gaffney. His face flushed, he turned toward her, surprised by how pale she was, how stricken she looked. Not quite sure what to do, he gently placed his hand on her shoulder. This was completely uncharted territory. Here he sat, strangely wigged out and incredibly turned on by what he had just witnessed, at a loss as to how to deal with the whole thing and Kelly's equally odd reaction. She was obviously upset. That much was clear. When her eyes met his he was overwhelmed with the urge to hug her, to do something to take away the haunted expression he read there. He was out of his depth.

Her lips were moving slowly and he leaned in to listen, his ear very close to her mouth. "Please ... go get the car." He didn't want to leave her alone, but he couldn't resist the hushed plea. He didn't know what else to do. He was off like a shot.

* * *

cont'd


	3. Confrontation

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
Title: Seeing Red Part 3/10  
Pairing: Tracey/Kelly  
Rating: R  
Notes/Summary: Confrontation.

* * *

As Tracey stepped away and allowed Rochelle to stand, she studiously kept her back turned toward Kelly and Ravell's table. Drawing up to her full height, the redhead pulled Tracey flush against her, dipping her head down for another long kiss. Tracey clung to Rochelle's upper arms as she threw herself into this embrace as well. In for a penny, in for a pound. Slowly they turned, almost as if they were dancing. When they finally stopped and drew apart, Tracey was facing her heartbreak once again.

Rising trance-like behind the table, Kelly watched in morbid fascination. If she hadn't been so totally shattered she would have admired them, so spectacular together. She took in both of their outfits, glancing down at her own button-up blouse and business-like slacks. No chance. You had no chance. They looked fabulous. And achingly erotic. She wished she were anywhere but here. Then without warning, she was looking directly into Tracey's eyes across the room. She hadn't even had a chance to brace herself or prepare. It was completely devastating.

For the briefest of moments, Tracey felt a glimmer of hope. The way Kelly was looking at her, the total openness of her face. She couldn't be sure from this far away, but maybe ... Just as quickly, she mentally slapped herself. Fool me twice ... Then Kelly's head dropped down as she reached for her scarf and coat. Ravell was nowhere to be seen, thank god. She wasn't sure she trusted herself not to hit him with something. Heavy. Still she was going to have to go right past her ... them ... That was one last plank she'd have to walk before she could totally go under, crocodiles be damned.

Shrugging on her coat and hastily wrapping her scarf around her neck, Kelly searched for a way out. Now that they had seen each other, that each knew the other was here, there was no way she could not speak to Tracey. Not if she still wanted any kind of working relationship. She did, didn't she? God this was hard. She had wanted so much beyond that. Think Gaffney! The woman was still your friend. She hadn't told you anything about the knockout redhead, but regardless ... Suck it up. Go over and be as casual as possible. Say your goodnights ... good-byes? No. No. Not if you pull your shit together. You can't just stand here like an idiot.

Simultaneously, they both began to move toward each other. Tracey with her arm loosely around Rochelle's waist, Kelly with both hands stuffed in the front pockets of her coat. It was so surreal. Without knowing it, they were both frantically wishing for some kind of intervention, a detour, anything to stall the inevitable. Kelly's eyes were fixed on the way Tracey's hip brushed against the taller woman as they walked. Tracey concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, her own eyes locked on the loose knot of Kelly's scarf. Then it was time. Kelly spoke first.

"Tracey ... wasn't expecting to see you here." That was certainly true.

"I'm sure." Tracey had hoped she could be less petulant, but found it difficult with Kelly so close.

Inhaling and exhaling calmly -- at least she prayed it was calmly -- Kelly looked up at the woman plastered against Tracey. Gorgeous. Hate her so much.

"Aren't you going to introduce me?"

"Oh, sorry. Rochelle Eckhardt ... Kelly Gaffney, my co-worker." Tracey felt a smidgen of satisfaction as Kelly almost visibly flinched at the qualification.

Perversely, Kelly stuck out her hand. She really didn't want to touch the redhead at all, but she wanted to make her stop touching Tracey, even for a few moments.

"Nice to meet you." She squeezed a little too firmly as they shook.

"Where's Ravell?" The name almost stuck in Tracey's throat, but she managed to spit it out.

So she had seen him as well. Too bad, Kibre. There was no way he was going to keep this to himself. "He went to get the car."

"Leaving so soon? You two must have plans ..." Like fucking each other's brains out.

Confused by the accusation and hostility in Tracey's voice, but not grasping the significance of it because she was so off balance, Kelly shook her head.

"No, just need to get home..." Now it was her turn to be the accuser as she glanced at Rochelle. "Busy day tomorrow."

Spotting Ravell just inside the door, Tracey nodded curtly toward him as she addressed Kelly. "Your ride's here." She slipped her arm back around Rochelle and pulled her tight against her side. "I may be late in the morning. I'm sure you can handle everything."

As of that instant, Kelly was sure of nothing. Her resolve faltering, she muttered a quick goodnight to both of them and headed for the door.

Tracey felt her insides twist as Ravell put his arm around Kelly's shoulders and guided her out. Fuck them both. Sighing, she realized that she'd have to get a better grip on herself before returning to the office. She was a professional. Still, why couldn't it at least have been Hector? At least she knew he wasn't an asshole.

Who the hell do you think you're trying to kid, Kibre? You don't want her with anyone but you.

* * *

cont'd 


	4. Aftermath

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
Title: Seeing Red Part 4/10  
Pairing: Tracey/Kelly  
Rating: R  
Notes/Summary: Aftermath.

* * *

Chris flexed his hands on the wheel again and again. He knew he should say something. Even though Kelly's face was shadowed in profile he could tell she was crying. Christ, he had no idea what to do. What the hell had happened back there? As long as he was zeroed in on activity -- getting the car, going back in for her --- he was golden. But now ... She hadn't uttered a word since they had gotten outside. He had cranked the engine but they had not yet pulled out. Shifting in the seat, he spoke softly, "Hey ..."

"Just drive."

She sounded far less shaky than he had expected. Ducking his head to check the side mirror and scoping out the street to his left, he eased the sedan away from the curb.

Drive. That, he could do.

* * *

Everything was a blur. Kelly was facing the window, her eyes wide open, but she saw nothing as the city flashed past. Nothing except Tracey and that ... woman. Each frame of memory caused another sharp pang inside her. The way Tracey had kissed her. The transparent hunger. God. Was that ... was she ... Tracey's type? If so, she thought bitterly, then Tracey liked them young. It was killing her to replay it over and over but she couldn't help herself. How long had they been seeing each other? Had she ... Rochelle ... called the office? Had Kelly answered? Did they discuss work when they were together? ... when they were together ... when they were together. Oh god. She pressed her eyelids shut, trying to keep any further images at bay. No use. In the morning. Tracey would be late in the morning. It was none of her business. If nothing else, that much had been totally laid bare. Co-worker. Nothing more. Get your own life.

"Where do you live?" She felt completely empty.

No, that wasn't quite true. The lump in her throat, the lead in her limbs, the pit in her stomach. ... the stake through her heart ... she could feel all of that. Ravell hadn't answered her. Maybe she no longer existed.

Dully she spoke again, "How far is it to your place?"

* * *

Chris Ravell was trying to get back into his comfort zone by using one his favorite techniques. Retracing his steps, mentally organizing events into chronological order, labeling each significant moment. Sometimes while working a case he ran over and over the same set of circumstances dozens of times, each pass becoming more and more familiar, rote. Often, after the seemingly endless loop of memorization, something brand new would jump out at him from his well-worn perspective. Several times the repetition had lulled him into a restless sleep, leaving his subconscious to stumble over an otherwise hidden hint. This wasn't going to be one of those times.

How had he fallen down this particular rabbit hole? He'd had a decent day on the job. He and Hector wanted to check out this new bar. He saw Gaffney's light on and thought what the hell ... Oddly enough, she'd accepted. Something came up and Hector bowed out. They pulled up at the bar. She smiled at him. He teased her until she laughed. They sat down. Then ... Holy Shit. Kibre and the hot redhead. Damn. Unbelievable. He'd heard she was into women, but he was never one to assume. He worked better with evidence. That was some damn clear evidence. His mind reeled. This was the part where he kept getting off track.

He glanced quickly at Gaffney. So she hadn't known? She'd sure looked surprised. No, check that. HE was surprised ... and not unpleasantly so. She was blown away. It couldn't be that she was offended. She didn't seem the type. Besides, it wasn't just anger that was spilling out all over the place back there. That was pain.

Before he could connect the dots, he heard her ask about his address. It took him a minute to process the actual question. It seemed so random ... made no sense. They weren't making small talk. They weren't talking at all. Then the follow up. His place? She couldn't mean "his place" as in "going back to," could she? What the hell was happening?

Almost stuttering, he blurted, "A few minutes away ... a few blocks, I guess." Was she going to be sick? He was trying to check on her and watch the traffic.

"Take me there."

She didn't sound right. Her voice was hollow, monotone. Holy crap. She still wouldn't look at him, sitting angled away. Red light. Thank God.

Tentatively he touched her arm. "Are you okay?"

Her head swiveled, her eyes fixed on his fingers for a long moment. He had hesitated to touch her, not wanting to freak her out any more than she already was. Before he could draw his hand back, her eyes swung up to his. So blue, almost glittering. She was blinking repeatedly, reminding him of someone recovering from a blackout. Her mouth opened slightly and her head tilted just a fraction. It was like she was seeing him for the first time. Then suddenly she buried her face in her hands and dissolved into tears.

He'd never felt so useless in his life.

* * *

Was she okay? She didn't think she'd ever be okay. Was it possible to disconnect from your own body to the degree that you couldn't find your way back? To just slip away. Would it matter? She just wanted ... she just wanted ... distance from this. He could help her get there.

When he reached out to her, made contact with her arm, the fragile bubble that had been surrounding her disintegrated. Everything came rushing back. His fingers on her arm were real. He was real. What the hell was she thinking? Horrified she looked into his eyes. So concerned. So close. What was she doing? She felt utterly unglued. Her humiliation was complete when she broke down, sobbing.

The harsh blare of a car horn startled them both. Chris had been leaning sideways, awkwardly patting Kelly's upper back. The first blast made him jump, his foot slipping from the brake. As the car lurched forward he swore loudly, jamming the pedal down again abruptly. When the horn sounded even longer the second time, he jerked the car to the right, practically onto the curb, broadly waving for the vehicle behind him to go around.

"I should flash the lights and run the siren ... Better yet, I could just shoot him."

He was overcome with relief when he heard Kelly's faint chuckle. Surreptitiously looking at her while he adjusted the mirror, he smiled as she wiped her eyes. Much better. Making an exaggerated show of scanning every direction, he put the car in gear and pulled back into the street.

* * *

As they slowed in front of her apartment building, Chris was repeatedly thanking God that he'd known where she lived. If he hadn't had occasion to pick her up there before or drop off some casework, they might have had to go through another round of "Where to?" He parked close, ignoring the fire zone signage.

Kelly was surprised when he shut off the engine. Freezing with the unbuckled seatbelt still in her hand, she fumbled for something to say. He beat her to it.

"I'll walk you up."

"No, really ... that's really not necessary ... you've ..."

"Well-mannered cocky sonofabitch, remember?" Pointing at himself, he grinned. "Besides, my mama raised me better than to drop a lady off at the curb." He was out of the car and moving around the front before she could reply. She was shaking her head and almost smiling when he opened the passenger door.

Taking his hand and allowing him to help her, she stepped out onto the sidewalk. Who would have thought that Ravell was such a gentleman? She knew Tracey always ... oh ...

Grabbing the reins before she could drift any further, Kelly started toward the main entrance. The warm pressure of Ravell's palm on the small of her back was strangely comforting. She just had to make it a few more minutes and then she could collapse. She didn't want to think beyond that.

* * *

They were quiet on the ride up in the elevator. Chris took the time-honored position of staring at the numbers on the display screen as they changed. He could hear Kelly rustling for her keys. The fluorescent bulbs were doing her no favors. Checking her face over his shoulder as they reached her floor, he was unnerved by how much of a toll the night's events had taken on her. He pressed his palm against the edge of the door so that she could pass through, then followed her down the hall.

She looked ready to drop, walking as if she were in slow motion. God it felt late. He was amazed when his watch contradicted him. It wasn't even eleven. He noticed that her hands were shaking slightly as she tried the key in the door. It took all of his will not to step in and help her. The lock clicked loudly when she finally flipped it, the sound amplified in the stillness of the hallway. He exhaled before he realized he had been holding his breath. Slumping somewhat against the door, her hand on the knob, she turned toward him.

"Chris ... "

The name felt foreign to her. She hardly ever thought of him as anything but 'Ravell.' He was leaning against the wall, watching her. "Thank you ... I mean ... I don't usually ... I'm not usually this ..."

He shrugged the shoulder that wasn't propped near her door. "I still owe you a drink."

The effort she put into trying to smile at him was pitiful. Her lower lip trembling, she looked on the verge of tears once more. Instantly protective, he moved closer, resting both hands gently on her shoulders.

Before he had a chance to speak, she swallowed hard and whispered, "I'm all right ... I'll be all right."

"I know you will."

Leaning forward, he kissed her forehead briefly, paternally. Backing away, hands shoved into his jacket pockets, he nodded toward her door. "Get some rest, okay?"

Without waiting for an answer, he headed for the elevator. Gazing at his back, her eyes brimming, Kelly silently thanked him again. Then she pushed her door open and was enveloped by darkness.

* * *

cont'd


	5. Fallout

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
Title: Seeing Red Part 5/10  
Pairing: Tracey/Kelly  
Rating: R  
Notes/Summary: Fallout

* * *

Unexpectedly, Tracey felt creeping twinges of claustrophobia. The noise and crowd of the bar seemed to close rapidly around her as she stared at the last spot she'd seen Kelly, just near the exit. At the same time, all of her anger and energy drained away, leaving her somewhat lightheaded. She needed to sit down. Abruptly pulling away from Rochelle, practically unaware of her presence, she took a few wobbly steps to her right, sinking into a lone empty chair. Her knees were weak and her stomach seemed to have dropped to her feet. Belatedly she began to regret the two drinks she had so eagerly downed. You are not going to pass out, Kibre. It's just an extreme emotional reaction. Damn right it is. Breathe.

"I get it."

Tracey had closed her eyes once she had slipped into the chair. She heard Rochelle speaking somewhere above her shoulder. Taking a few more slow, steadying breaths before she looked up, Tracey was grateful that the redhead wasn't fawning over her.

"You get what?" Tracey warily took note of the way Rochelle's arms were crossed, the narrowing of the cool green eyes.

Bending forward to allow a server with a large tray to pass, and to bring her face closer to Tracey, Rochelle was surprisingly matter of fact. "I get why you were so anxious to have your little talk with me. Why things have been so different lately. I may not be a big-shot lawyer, but I'm not blind."

Here we go. Making no effort to hide her irritation, Tracey frowned. "I don't know what you're talking about."

To Tracey's total astonishment, Rochelle laughed. Shaking her red hair from side to side, she widened her eyes in disbelief. "You probably don't. Honestly, anyone else could see it from ten miles away, and you can't see it right in front of you."

Tracey had had quite enough of being mocked and made a fool of tonight. Some of the fire returned to her eyes as she snapped, "If you have something to say, Rochelle, please share it. Otherwise, let's get out of here."

Her hands moving to her hips, Rochelle seemed to consider her options. "Okay. I'll spell it out for you."

Swiftly she stalked over to a group of men two tables away and, after a short conversation, returned with another chair. Plopping it down, she sat close to Tracey, their knees nearly touching, only a small sliver of the table between them. Folding her arms on the edge of it, she leaned in to bring her eyes level with Tracey's dark ones.

"I don't think you were hung up on her when you met me ... at the beginning of our rela... arrangement." She stumbled on the last word, her eyes flashing bright. "Maybe you didn't think you had a shot with her ... maybe you were bound by some kind of corporate code ... but for whatever reason, you were free then."

When Tracey began to sputter a reply, Rochelle held up her hand firmly. "No, you let me finish ... " Her voice was unusually forceful, strong.

Tracey pressed her lips together and glared.

"So I thought I could handle it ... play by your rules. I was having a good time, telling myself that whatever happened would happen ... " At this point she looked down, seeming to gather herself. Tracey's expression softened. "I didn't expect you to fall for me, not really ... but I had hoped ... maybe in time ..."

Bravely she met Tracey's gaze again. "I didn't know about her."

Shaking her head and once again trying to interject, Tracey furrowed her brow. "Rochelle ... this isn't about anyone else ..."

Rochelle's hand slapped the table sharply. "The hell it's not. I saw you. I was right here! You can keep lying to yourself, but I deserve more than that ... At first I was confused, it all happened so fast. I knew you were going to break it off once I saw you here tonight, the way you were acting. Then on our way up to the roof ... you stopped suddenly ... you looked so lost ... then you were kissing me. I thought maybe you had changed your mind ... " She chewed on her bottom lip as she paused. "Even though I didn't understand ... I didn't care ... you wanted me again." The last part was barely above a whisper.

Tracey didn't know what to say. She had never intended for Rochelle to be hurt, even though she had known that at some point their two-sided agreement had become decidedly one-sided. That's why tonight had been the end of the line. Because she HAD known and she couldn't keep pretending she didn't. Forget Ravell. Who's the asshole now, Kibre?

Rochelle took a deep breath. "It all clicked when I saw her. Actually, when she was walking toward us ... your whole body went stiff, tensed up. I thought she might be your ex ... that there was some baggage there you wanted to avoid. But then ... the way you looked at her. You looked ... "

She averted her eyes for a moment, searching for the right words. When she turned back to Tracey, her face was completely vulnerable. "You looked the way I feel when I look at you."

No matter how much she wanted to deny it, to make the redhead feel better, Tracey knew she couldn't. That it would only make this worse. Not that it could be much worse. She said nothing, not even the sincere "I'm sorry" that she knew wouldn't be nearly enough.

"I'm not sure why you were trying to punish her like that. The way you talked to her ... flaunted me, us ... you're only going to push her farther away. I suspect you know that."

"I wasn't ... I didn't ... "

"Tracey, you were barely civil. You scored a couple of direct hits. She has very expressive eyes." Rochelle shook her fingers loosely. "And one hell of a grip. I think she was trying to break something." Carefully she flexed her hand.

God. Kelly's eyes. For a few seconds she saw them clearly in her mind. Then she was confused by the gist of Rochelle's comments. "She doesn't ... she is involved with someone ... they were together ..." What Rochelle was implying didn't make sense.

Rochelle smiled sadly. "And you were with me. That doesn't mean you don't have feelings for her. We both know that now."

"You're wrong ... she doesn't ..." Kelly's face flashed in front of her, stunned and wounded, as she watched Tracey across the room. Fuck. She had been so busy feeling sorry for herself ... being pissed off and jealous and destructive ... that she hadn't really seen. Rochelle was echoing her thoughts.

"Believe me, she wouldn't have been that upset if she weren't totally gone over you. If looks could kill, I wouldn't be here right now."

For the second time that night, the bottom fell out. Tracey was caught in a whirlwind of emotions. Could it be true? She had believed it before ... before tonight... with Ravell ... at least in the possibility ... She heard herself as she must have sounded when she was lashing out at Kelly ... twisting the knife by using Rochelle ... dammit ... if there had been a chance, even a small one ... what had she done?

"It doesn't matter now ... it's too late ..." Rochelle was right. She had pushed Kelly further away.

It took her a moment to realize that Rochelle was standing, scrutinizing her with a long appraising stare. Raising her chin somewhat defiantly, the tall redhead started to leave. "If you really believe that ... you're not half as smart as you think you are."

* * *

cont'd 


	6. Recovery and regret

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
Title: Seeing Red Part 6/10  
Pairing: Tracey/Kelly  
Rating: R  
Notes/Summary: Recovery and regret.

* * *

By the time the clock struck 7 am the next morning, Kelly was finishing her third cup of coffee. Latte, to be exact. At least this one was. The first one she'd gulped down in her apartment was black and strong. She hadn't bothered to add cream or sweeten it since it was mostly medicinal anyway. Sometime in the night, staring up at her ceiling in the dark, she had decided that her best defense would be an aggressive offense. She would dive right into her work today. Building layer upon layer of mundane reality around her, she hoped to hide the scars from the night before. And if she worked hard enough, she might convince herself that she could survive in close proximity to Tracey Kibre.

As she plowed through depositions and drafted motions, she consciously avoided looking at Tracey's desk. She had been in the office almost two hours earlier than her usual arrival time, and she hoped to be out of it before her senior associate arrived. Whenever that might be. She blocked any further speculation about where Tracey was and what she might be doing, and concentrated on critiquing the last of her notes. Satisfied, she gathered the latest briefs and stacked them sharply against the top of her desk. You can do this, Gaffney. One step at a time.

Leaving all of the newest information regarding the Canton case laid out prominently on Tracey's desk, along with a copy of her own schedule for the day, Kelly grabbed her briefcase and headed out to her first appointment.

* * *

Tracey was very rarely nervous. Even in court. She believed in mind over matter and in her own abilities. Nervous meant unsure, and she made it a practice to be sure of herself. Confidence and conviction were weapons she wielded quite successfully. Despite her track record, she knew this was going to be a tough day to bluff her way through. Most of her bravado came from a carefully cultivated devil-may-care approach to her life and her job. She did what she could, she did her best, and the rest was history. Of course she cared. Sometimes quite deeply, but it didn't pay to let that get out. Too many consequences and too much looking back. Most of the time she took her shot, shook off the bad breaks, and moved on to the next challenge. This was different. This time the stakes were too high.

Trying to center herself as she went through her morning routine, she examined her face in the mirror. She looked anxious and uncertain and it bothered the hell out of her. Worse, she knew it was an accurate reflection. You're scared, whether you want to admit it or not. You are worried sick because you don't know what in the hell you're going to do if you can't make this right. And you hate that it matters as much to you as it does.

* * *

Halfway across town, Kelly was meticulously reviewing a crime-scene walk through. This was the second time she had been here, mentally reenacting what she knew of the events. This visit was to affirm that all of the more recent details still jibed with their original narrative. As she made one more pass around the parking garage entrance, she cross-checked her statements with the time stamped records. It wouldn't hurt to have Hector and Ravell re-interview the principals, someone might have remembered something else or regretted their prior declaration. If so, she wanted to know about it before they were in open court. She knew how Tracey loathed surprises ...

She wasn't much for them herself. Last night had been a major one. Of knock-your-socks-off proportions. Grimly she clamped down on that train of thought. After confirming a few more measurements and sketching another perspective, she wrapped up her inspection. Nodding at the security guard who had accompanied her around the premises, she made her way toward the corner. It was nearly ten. She'd call Hector and ... Chris ... She winced slightly at the memory of his eyewitness involvement in her nightmare. She'd call them and get the ball rolling on the interviews, then she'd grab a bagel and some more coffee and meet Canton's counsel at Rikers. With every passing hour, she felt a bit closer to her goal: Pretending that this was just another day.

* * *

As the cab inched along, Tracey fought to contain her mounting frustration. She usually walked to work on pleasant days and had been known to take the subway occasionally. This morning had gone straight to hell. Wrestling with her guilt and hope and anguish, she'd barely slept, waking with a start when the alarm sounded. God, she'd felt like shit. Even a longer, hotter shower hadn't erased it completely. She was so preoccupied with visualizing various scenarios for approaching Kelly about last night's debacle that it had taken her twice as long to get ready. Hell, she'd even run two pair of hose before she'd given up and decided on the gray pants. It didn't matter what she wore, it was about what she was going to say and do. And damn it if she knew. Her mind had been racing, searching, grasping at straws when she burned herself on the coffee maker. She was a mess.

The worst part, setting aside how off-kilter she felt, was that she had had every intention of being in the office by 8:30. Over and over again she heard herself icily informing Kelly, "I may be late in the morning. I'm sure you can handle everything," as she practically groped Rochelle. She'd been such a bitch. It had made her feel better at the time, but in hindsight ... She had vowed to be early, if not in by her regular time. So much for that. By the time she'd finally left the apartment she was way behind schedule. Cursing and trying to pull herself together, she'd flagged down a taxi. Now she was being eaten alive by traffic. Dammit.

She WAS going to be late. She didn't give a shit about her tardiness from a professional standpoint. She put in plenty of hours. But her empty desk was going to be a glaring reminder of all that she had implied to Kelly during her fucked-up fit of animosity. Leaning forward and tapping the driver's shoulder, she ordered him to pull over and let her out right there. At least if she was walking she could let off some steam.

* * *

Tracey blew through the front doors like a hurricane, garnering more than a few startled looks from people in the lobby. She'd been so focused on getting there that she'd scarcely had time to consider her entrance. Momentarily out of breath, she paused to collect herself. Great, Kibre, you look like you ran the last two blocks. She struggled to compose herself as she fished out her ID for the security check. Smoothing one hand over her mass of curls she fought against the dread that was gathering inside of her. You're here now. This is it. God. She should have stayed in the cab. Maybe she would've had more time to think, to prepare. A short elevator ride up and it's over. She tried to calm down by telling herself that it wouldn't be the end of the world ... but a small voice in the back of her mind naggingly whispered that for her, it might be just as bad.

Whatever happened, she'd brought it on herself. She could at least own up to it. Spilling out of the elevator with everyone else, she set her jaw and entered the arena. Dammit. The first person she saw this morning would have to be Ravell. She ignored the smirking look on his face and his raised eyebrow as she passed by. Bastard. She knew she needed to check her anger. Sometimes it served her well to let it fuel her actions and ambition, but she had seen ... felt ... all too well how it could backfire.

She was holding her breath as she pushed into her office, feeling not unlike she was crossing a minefield. Exhaling as she reached her chair, she wasn't sure if she was incredibly relieved or crushingly disappointed that Kelly was absent. Surveying her own desk, she could immediately tell that her partner had been busy. So she had been here. Scanning the documents a few at a time, she smiled wryly. At least there was no resignation letter. And why would there be? Thinking a little too highly of yourself, aren't you, Kibre? Maybe she hadn't been upset after all. Maybe she and Rochelle were just imagining things. Hanging up her coat and depositing her briefcase behind her, she thought fleetingly about the redhead with a prickling pinch of guilt. At least that was done.

Sucking the tip of her burned finger, she read over Kelly's schedule. Her reprieve could last a few more hours. She might actually get some work done. Grabbing up her coffee mug, she stepped out into the bullpen. Ravell was placing his phone back onto its cradle as she moved by him.

"That was Gaffney." He was shrugging on his jacket. "She wants us to double back on some interviews with the parking garage witnesses."

Just hearing him mention Kelly's name reignited the blazing fury she thought she had successfully squelched. Without thinking she whirled on him, advancing within inches. Her tone was low and tight as she growled, "If you hurt her, so help me ..."

He nearly pushed her away reflexively, he was so blindsided by the attack. What the fuck? Instead he sidestepped, both hands raised in front of him, his expression clearly showing that he thought she was crazy. This had to have something to do with last night, but he'd be damned if he knew what. He had figured out that Gaffney's reaction meant something was going on between her and Kibre, but he'd let it go at that. Now she was in HIS face? He snorted in disbelief.

"Back off ... I don't know where the hell you're comin' from, but leave me the hell out of it! And as for hurting her ... you're doing a damn fine job of that yourself."

Spinning away he stormed out of the office, muttering to himself as he went. Tracey stood there fuming, his last words ringing in her ears. Sonofabitch! What the hell was happening to her? Out of the corner of her eye she picked up everyone watching her while trying to act nonchalant. Get a grip Kibre. This can't go on.

Deflated, she continued toward the coffee machine, wishing with all her might that she could go back to yesterday and start all over again.

* * *

cont'd 


	7. Revelation

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
Title: Seeing Red Part 7/10  
Pairing: Tracey/Kelly  
Rating: R  
Notes/Summary: Revelation

* * *

Even though she'd suspected that the trip out to Rikers would be a waste of her time, for once Kelly didn't mind. She'd had to make a perfunctory appearance just in case there had been anything worth listening to on the table, but today she'd actually been grateful for the distraction. She'd crossed an obligatory task off of her list and put some distance between herself and her decimation.

Part of her still felt like retreating, getting as far away from the source of her pain as fast as she could. The other part wasn't willing to give up so easily. She'd had to fight her way to where she was now. She knew that she possessed whatever it would take to stay there. Still ... the temptation to curl into the smallest space she could find and draw the shutters around her was very powerful. So she'd compromised. The early arrival, the full schedule ... returning to the office at this hour only because she knew Tracey had a lunch meeting. It wasn't completely cowardly. It would only delay the inevitable. But, she rationalized, maybe when she finally encountered Tracey today, she might have patched herself together enough to withstand the heartache.

* * *

Walking briskly toward the building, Kelly second-guessed her decision not to pick up lunch. She wasn't hungry, that was true. And she wanted to check in with Salazar and Ravell about any progress on the witnesses. If she was lucky, she might be able to write up the particulars of her session with Canton's lawyer, run down all of the updates, and find some logical reason to get back out before Tracey returned. Are you listening to yourself, Gaffney? You weren't running scared, remember? Aggressive offense my ass. If she got stuck in the office for the afternoon, the bagel she had nibbled on earlier might not be enough to tide her over. Shuddering slightly at the thought of looking Tracey in the eye, she decided that an empty stomach was the least of her worries. In fact, at that point, it might be a distinct advantage.

"Ms. Gaffney?"

Kelly looked over her shoulder toward the sound of her name just in time to see a woman push away from the column she'd been leaning against. Shit. No fucking way.

"Excuse me, it is Gaffney, isn't it? Forgive me if I'm not remembering it exactly ..."

Stunned, Kelly could only stand there as the she came closer. Fuck. Seven hours plus of near normalcy wiped out in a single instant.

"I'm sorry to bother you ..."

"Can I help you?" Kelly tried to buy some time by feigning ignorance of the redhead's identity.

Stopping right in front of her, the woman appeared to falter slightly. "I'm ... we met last night ... Rochelle?" She raised her eyebrows in a way intended to nudge Kelly's memory.

Her face almost splitting with phony politeness, Kelly responded, "Yes... Rochelle. Good to see you again, I'm sure Tracey will be back from lunch shortly ..." She started to turn away.

"I'm actually here to see you." Her smile seemed genuine. "Have you had lunch?"

Good God. This isn't happening. No fucking way she was going to discuss Tracey over lunch with her ... girlfriend. "Yes, I have, thank you." Again she turned to leave.

Rochelle's hand on her arm stopped her. "If I could just have a minute of your time then ..."

"I don't think that would be a good idea." She had to get away from this person. She was going to lose it.

Becoming exasperated, Rochelle tried once more. She hadn't come all the way down here on her lunch hour not to make her point. "Look, I understand ..."

Kelly shook Rochelle's hand off of her, along with the last vestiges of her pride. Her voice nearly cracked, "No ... you don't! You couldn't possibly ..." Backing away, she stifled the urge to break into a run.

"I wish I didn't ... more than you know ..." Rochelle raised her own voice as she stepped forward. Somehow she had to reach the blond. "She ... Tracey ... " Her face seemed to crumple a bit.

The emotion in Rochelle's delivery and the mention of Tracey's name held Kelly there. Almost against her will she whispered hoarsely, "What?"

"She and I ... what we had ... what we were ... it meant nothing to her." Rochelle closed her eyes briefly, then fixed them solidly on Kelly. "It's over."

Inordinately confused and still rocked by the whole horror of running into Rochelle without warning, Kelly stared at her. In the natural sunlight, she looked older than she had in the club. Much closer to Kelly's age. And much more exposed, despite her impeccably tailored ensemble.

At a loss, Kelly shook her head slowly. "What ... Why are you telling me this?

With a melancholy smile that touched Kelly in spite of her best efforts to resist it, Rochelle answered quietly. "Because ... God help me ... I want her to be happy. And she wants you."

Letting that hang in the air, she brushed past Kelly and blended into the pedestrian flow on the sidewalk. Dumbfounded, Kelly stood motionless for an eternity, oblivious to everything but the impact of Rochelle's last remark.

* * *

Hector was idly scanning the passersby as Ravell worked his way toward an open parking place. He heard Chris mumbling about how it should have been much easier to find a reserved spot during lunch, which, by the way, they themselves had yet to enjoy. Smiling, he was just about to reply when one person in particular caught his eye. Talk about stopping traffic. She was drop dead gorgeous. And that red hair. He whistled under his breath. Reaching across the seat to flick Ravell's upper arm with the back of his hand, he watched her stride closer. "Hey man, check it out." 

Ravell followed Hector's gaze. No way. If this didn't beat all. Small world all of the sudden. He'd known next to nothing about Kibre's personal life yesterday at this time, yet in less than 24 hours he seemed to have stepped right into the middle of it. Still, as much as the woman rubbed him the wrong way, he had to hand it to her. She had great taste. Shifting the car into park, he laughed out loud.

"What? You don't think she's all that? Did you get a good look at her?" Hector was craning his neck around to catch one last glimpse.

Still grinning, Ravell turned to his partner. "You gotta trust me when I say this ... YOU are totally not her type."

* * *

cont'd 


	8. Confusion

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
Title: Seeing Red Part 8/10  
Pairing: Tracey/Kelly  
Rating: R  
Notes/Summary: Confusion

* * *

It had been two hours since she had called Salazar. It had been nearly four since she'd walked away from her run-in with Rochelle in a daze. All of that time had passed and Kelly still didn't know what to do or what to believe. The whole world had tilted on its axis. She'd spent all morning pulling herself together, being productive and professional ... preparing to accept the fact that Tracey was unattainable. She'd been focused on salvaging her working relationship, on not losing her status as a valued colleague ... possibly even preserving what she had thought of as a friendship. Last night she had even questioned that. Today ... today she was just trying to keep her head above water until she could get her feet back on the ground. And now ... she was trying to process Rochelle's bombshell. Now she was supposed to trust this woman's word over what she had seen with her own eyes.

Yet she desperately wanted to believe. That it had all been a mistake. That regardless of what she had witnessed or the way Tracey had acted, that it was still possible ... for what exactly? What had she had to hang onto before last night? Certainly, the moment she had seen ... them ... she had felt as if something were ripped away from her. She'd spent most of the afternoon trying to reconstruct the past. Pinpoint memories and observations that had fed her ... fantasy? Surely it had been more than that. It had felt like so much more. The way Tracey held her eyes several beats longer than necessary when they were talking ... the way she leaned in to whisper to her, even when it wasn't relevant or warranted ... the effortless rapport and the bond that they had developed ... all could be explained away, she reasoned. They worked well, and closely, together.

But there was that one time that Tracey had reached up to brush a strand of hair away from Kelly's forehead, absently ... so naturally ... so intimately. It had left her breathless. She could have sworn that Tracey was as affected by those few seconds as she had been. And that other time ... when they were working late and she had caught Tracey staring at her mouth ... making her so self-conscious that she had rubbed her lips, wiping away the unseen crumb, speck ... whatever ... and Tracey had just blinked awkwardly and returned to her reading. Oh ... and the day that they were examining medical evidence, both leaning over the light table, peering down at the slides and scans, in such close quarters that Tracey had been practically lying on half of Kelly's back. And how they had both stayed like that ... barely moving ... getting warmer and warmer where their bodies pressed together. Each of them, she had been sure, pretending to search for something else to hold them there, prolonging the experience, until she was finally afraid she would moan or faint so she had cleared her throat ...

It was hardly what she would have called 'flirting' ... although she had felt like Tracey did that too. Could she have imagined all of it? If she was completely honest with herself ... she couldn't be sure. Most of it barely qualified as circumstantial. Rochelle on the other hand ... She was a smoking gun. You definitely didn't imagine her. Or Tracey's tongue in her mouth. Shit. Everything brought her back to that. Could you kiss someone like that if you had real feelings for someone else? She certainly wouldn't ...

Before she could congratulate herself too proudly, a darker memory haunted her. She'd practically offered to sleep with Ravell. Of course she wouldn't have gone through with it, not really ... but she'd considered it ... God. None of this was helping. She had to make a decision. She couldn't just sit here all day.

Yet she did.

* * *

It had only taken her a minute to realize that she was in no condition to return to the office. Not after the mugging her equilibrium had just taken. So she had reversed her steps, away from the building, and toward some sort of refuge. Almost randomly, she had ended up wandering the length of Columbus Park. At first, the area was strangely quiet. Or maybe she had just been so absorbed with her internal dialogue. She had no idea how long she'd been strolling around when she spotted the hot dog cart. That solved her lunch dilemma, even though she ate mechanically, not really tasting anything.

Curiously detached, she found a bench and settled there, belatedly realizing that at some point she'd be expected, missed. Laughing mirthlessly, she dug out her cell. Wouldn't want them to think she'd been shanked at the prison. She didn't bother to analyze why she chose Hector's number to dial. Or how casually she was able to lie to him, her voice remarkably even as she explained that her meeting with Canton's counsel had run long, she was going to stop for lunch ... and that there were some other things she needed to take care of before she could come in. Would he leave any new information that he and Ravell had collected so far on her desk? She had to stop by and pick up several things before she finally headed home anyway.

As she closed her phone, she wondered momentarily if Tracey would buy it, or if she would even notice. She told herself that she really would go over everything tonight, make up for any time she wasted this afternoon by burning the midnight oil. Truthfully, as debilitated as her mental abilities were at the moment, she didn't want her issues to affect their progress on the case. And she didn't want to let Tracey down.

She'd just regroup for a little bit longer, watching the kids play ball, the dogs being walked. She'd pull herself together, put on her game face and get back to work. After she figured a few things out.

* * *

Shaking herself slightly, she was disconcerted to discover that the sun had almost completely set. How long had she been sitting here? Crumpling up her trash from lunch and tossing it into the trashcan near the bench, she stood up. Damn. She was stiff all over. Smart move, Gaffney. Your back is going to pay for it. Stretching and twisting, she tried to jumpstart her circulation. All of that introspection and all she had to show for it were some physical aches to compliment her emotional ones. She'd had no epiphanies, no breakthroughs. All she had successfully done was play hooky. Taking a deep breath, she plodded back across the park, occasionally rotating her shoulder or neck. Maybe she'd take a hot bath before she hit the books tonight.

* * *

She was more than a little conscience-stricken as she stepped off the elevator. Maybe she should have called again ... what if something had broken this afternoon that required more than some extra homework? There were no maybes about it. She wouldn't have to be worried about not calling in if she had shown back up. She wasn't a child. So she had had her feelings hurt ... stomped on ... crushed. This was the big leagues. People counted on her. As she reached the door, she vowed that no matter what ... this would never happen again. She wouldn't ditch her responsibilities over personal problems, regardless of the complications. Emphatically she flicked on the light, practically jumping out of her skin as it revealed Tracey, sitting quietly in her chair.

"Goddammit!" Kelly could feel her heart thumping wildly, the adrenaline rocketing through her. "Tracey! You scared the hell out of me ... what are you doing! Sitting here in the dark ..."  
She slouched against the edge of her own desk, not completely trusting her knees to hold her up.

"Waiting for you."

* * *

cont'd


	9. Resolution

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
Title: Seeing Red Part 9/10  
Pairing: Tracey/Kelly  
Rating: R  
Notes/Summary: Resolution

* * *

Kelly didn't know how many shocks to her system she could handle in one 24 hour period. The last thing she'd expected as she'd entered the office was to come to face to face with Tracey. Not at this hour, not after the events of the day. Instinctively, she'd drawn her hand up to her chest, as if to hold her heart in it. Slowly she lowered it as she peered at Tracey's face, trying to determine her mood.

"How did you know I would come back?" Only after the words had left her lips did she realize how loaded they were.

Tracey was almost casual. "Hector passed along your message ... said you'd indicated that you'd be by to pick up some files ..."

Her head swinging around to inspect the surface of her desk, Kelly searched for any sign that something else had erupted in her absence. Why else would Tracey ...

"... and there was something that I needed to discuss with you. So I waited." Tracey shrugged.

She knew that she was being vague, but now that Kelly was here, right in front of her, she felt like she was moving at half speed. Once she had made up her mind that she wasn't going home tonight without at least attempting to resolve this ... mess ... her patience had settled around her like a blanket. There had been a few moments when she had taunted herself ... wondering if she were willing to sit there all night. But for the most part, the silence, the shadows, had been just the antidote for the abrasiveness of her day.

Finally calming, in no small part due to the measured tone of Tracey's voice, Kelly settled back against the desk. "Is anything wrong? Did your lunch meeting take a turn ...did Branch ... "

Tracey was surprised her own steadiness. So much was wrong. She wasn't even sure where to begin.

"No, no, no ... it's nothing like that ..." She paused, gathering her thoughts. "I wanted ... I needed ... to tell you something."

As usual, when she was wrestling with an approach ... how to use a phrase for maximum impact, full emotional appeal ... Tracey weighed her options. The longer, more rehearsed explanation might be clearer ... eventually. But the simpler more straightforward path was the most attractive. She was tired of the obstacles, twists, and turns. Standing up, she tossed aside any of the hundred or so opening lines she'd practiced for this moment, going instead to what they all boiled down to:

"I'm sorry."

Everything about Tracey's demeanor had Kelly's rapt attention. She couldn't look away from her partner's face, was drawn to her slightest movement. Almost leaning forward to catch each word. Tracey's simple apology baffled her. She wasn't sure she understood why it was being offered, and she wasn't sure what she should say in response. Thankfully, Tracey didn't seem to be expecting an answer, beginning to pace back and forth as she continued.

"Last night ... when I spoke to you ... I was unforgivably rude ..." She glanced briefly at Kelly.  
"... which was completely and totally uncalled for ..."

Fascinated Kelly listened, uncertain which direction this was going. She knew better than to disrupt Tracey's train of thought.

"It's just ... I wasn't expecting ... I was just so ... startled to see you there ..." Tracey exhaled at the memory. "You and Ravell ..."

Warily Kelly wondered if Tracey had merely been upset to run into colleagues while she was with Rochelle. She knew how private Tracey was, how guarded she kept her personal life. That might explain her reaction ... having those separate sides of her identity so abruptly collide, worrying that her co-workers might not be as protective or respectful of her wishes.

Attempting to reassure her, she ventured. "He's a good guy, Tracey."

The brunette seemed to sway slightly as she halted in place. Her tone tightened noticeably. "Yeah, well ... I didn't know ... that ... you two ... were ..."

"Friends?" Remembering the care, compassion and concern Chris had shown her, Kelly realized that the word was appropriate.

Snorting softly, Tracey resumed her pacing. "Okay."

Whatever. She'd come this far, she was going all the way. Whether it made a difference or not. "So I was ... angry ... when I saw you together." She cut her eyes over to Kelly's.

For a frantic moment, Kelly thought this was going to be some kind of anti-fraternization lecture. She knew what she desperately wanted Tracey to be saying, but she had been far too bruised crawling out on that limb before. Tracey was going to have to come to her. She raised and lowered her hands in a helpless I-don't-get-it gesture.

Pressing on, Tracey's voice grew rougher. "I was so ... jealous ..." She took a deep breath. "I know I had no right to be ..."

"No ..." Kelly interrupted. "You had no REASON to be."

No reason at all. No reason to be jealous of Ravell, no reason to be jealous of anyone else when you were standing there with such a stunning redhead on your arm.

Tracey finally stopped moving back and forth like a caged animal. She took a step in Kelly's direction, her eyes as dark as Kelly had ever seen them.

"I acted like a total bitch because ... right or wrong ... the idea of you being with him ... the thought of him touching you ... made me crazy." She moved even closer, the air around her virtually humming with intensity. "It nearly killed me to think that it was all ... that I might never ..." Closing her eyes, she dropped her head down, struggling for control.

Kelly was thunderstruck. There was no mistaking the meaning and emotion behind Tracey's words now. Or the way she had been looking at her ... a parade of shivers raced down her back and exploded at the base of her spine. Oh god.

Barely breathing she repeated, "You might never ...?"

Lifting her head again, Tracey erased the final distance between them. The heat and tension radiating from her body was palpable. Her gaze piercing, raw. Now her voice was quiet, but harsh with feeling. "I might never get to do this ..."

Slowly she raised her hand up to Kelly's face. Using only her fingertips, she traced the contours of her lips, brushing over them almost reverently. She nearly melted when she heard, then felt, Kelly's breath catch in her throat, warming her fingers when it escaped. Letting her hand slip sideways along Kelly's cheek, she trailed her thumb over the lower lip, rubbing ever so softly ... her eyes torn between it and the irresistible blue depths above it.

"Or this ..."

Sliding her fingers into the silky blond hair, exerting gentle pressure, she tilted Kelly's face toward her for a delicate, whisper-soft kiss.

* * *

cont'd 


	10. Conclusion

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
Title: Seeing Red Part 10/10  
Pairing: Tracey/Kelly  
Rating: R  
Notes/Summary: Conclusion

* * *

As soon as Tracey's fingers made contact with her lips, Kelly could hear the branch breaking. She was powerless to stop the free-fall that was about to occur. Even more significantly, she was unable to hasten it. She couldn't have moved or spoken if her life had depended on it and she couldn't imagine that it didn't. She only knew that she wanted ... she wanted ... yes ...

Although her lips scarcely brushed Kelly's at first, the kiss staggered Tracey with all of the force of a detonation. Then Kelly was kissing her back, stifling the whimper that had almost signaled her helplessness and awe. Somewhere in the dim recesses of her mind she wondered why it had taken her so long ... with heaven just this close ... she searched vainly for the mountain of evidence she had collected to fuel her fear ... hanging like an ominous cloud of warning over her ... admonishing her not to risk losing everything. What the hell had she been thinking? My God. THIS was everything.

Kelly marveled at the wracking shudder that traveled through Tracey as she deepened the kiss. Blindly she reached for Tracey's upper arm, her fingers closing around it in support and attachment. The warmth of Tracey's fingers inside her coat, against her stomach, searing through the fabric of her blouse. The maddening heat and indecent skill of Tracey's mouth on hers, demanding and delicious. The firm grip that cradled her head, guiding and anchoring her, holding her captive. Sending the flickering flame she'd earlier ignited blazing out of control. Kelly's free hand snaked around Tracey's waist, crushing her closer, sliding down over her ass ...

Unbidden, the image of Rochelle's hand there jarred Kelly's memory. Tracey kissing the red-haired woman with equal passion. Fuck.

As far gone as she was, Tracey was instantly aware of Kelly's withdrawal. Before she pulled back, before her lips slowed and stopped, before her fingers loosened their grasp and braced against Tracey's chest ... no, no, no, no ... Tracey felt her slipping away. Then she was drowning in those fathomless blue eyes as they met her immediate query with confusion, totally defenseless. Swallowing her panic, Tracey strained to keep her voice calm, "Hey ... " She stroked her fingers through Kelly's hair again and again.

"I can't ... I don't know what ..." Kelly blinked slowly.

Trying to maintain every physical connection she could, Tracey soothed, "It's okay ... it's okay ..."

Shaking her head slightly, Kelly tried to collect herself. She wanted this so much, that was undeniable. She wanted Tracey. Beyond all reason. She wanted to surrender to everything her heart and her body were telling her at this moment. To block out any inkling of doubt. To bar any further thought about Rochelle and her involvement. To believe that this was different ... she was different. She was beginning to tremble from the stress of it all, the conflict inside her.

Drawing her hand away from the hair she was absently combing, assuming that Kelly was shaking off her touch, Tracey was rattled as well. Had she misjudged so badly that she'd ruined it all? She couldn't have. She could feel how affected Kelly was, still, under her palm ... the tremors, the uneven breathing. Licking her lips, she was certain that the communication in those kisses was accurate. Dropping all pretense that she could take whatever happened next in stride, Tracey implored anxiously, "Please ... talk to me ..."

Compelled by what she heard in Tracey's nervous appeal, Kelly exhaled unsteadily. "I saw you too ... last night ..." She looked away, completely disarmed by Tracey's vulnerability and the lazy, sweeping thumb against her abdomen. "You and Rochelle." She was surprised by how brittle her own voice sounded.

"It's over." Emphatic, Tracey leaned in further, trying to catch Kelly's eye again. "It never was ... I didn't ... dammit ..." She sighed. "It would have never worked out."

"You're sure?" God she knew she sounded desperate. Reluctantly she faced Tracey again, praying that her naked need for reassurance wasn't as painfully obvious as it felt.

Relaxing only a fraction as she gazed back at Kelly, Tracey nodded. "Positive." When Kelly's brow remained wrinkled and her eyes skeptical, Tracey tenderly tucked a strand of blond hair behind her ear. "Because of you."

"What did I do?" Weakly, Kelly fought the temptation to lean her cheek into Tracy's right hand.

Smiling faintly now, Tracey bent her head so that she was only inches away from Kelly's face. "Let's see ... " Her fingers resumed their nimble raking along Kelly's scalp. "You were you ... every day ... a constant reminder of what's possible ..."

Battling to keep her eyes open, Kelly tried to focus on what Tracey was saying. But Tracey's voice had taken on that purring quality that never failed to arouse her, not to mention the things her fingers were doing to aid in that regard. Practically slurring her own words, she challenged, "But ... she ... Rochelle ... is so incredibly ... "

"Not right for me." Tracey kissed the slope of her cheek lightly, nuzzling her nose against Kelly's temple. "I never meant to lead her on ... I knew I could never feel the same way about her ..."  
She trailed off.

Not unsympathetically, Kelly added, "As she felt about you?"

Cupping Kelly's head again, her thumb tracing easily along the jawline, Tracey whispered, "No ... I could never feel the same way about her as I do about you."

Without waiting for a response, she captured Kelly's mouth in another kiss. Slow and deliberate, full of meaning and promise. Inordinately relieved when Kelly acquiesced, kissing her fiercely in return, Tracey struggled to retain her balance. She felt Kelly's hand crawl up her chest and slide around her neck, clinging to her and tangling in her dark hair from underneath. Gradually, Tracey pressed forward, her left hand rubbing Kelly's blouse back and forth against her skin. Blissfully consumed with being allowed to continue, she was determined to make this kiss last until she lost consciousness. Even now, she was teetering on the brink.

As exquisite as Tracey's circling fingers felt through the material of her blouse, Kelly longed to feel them roaming over her bare skin. Adjusting her position slightly, she hoped to encourage further exploration. Her own fingers tugged at the fabric of Tracey's shirt where it disappeared into her waistband in back, dying to slip beneath. Groaning low in her throat as Tracey increased the assault on her senses, she burned with the need to affect the brunette in the same way. Her fingernails dug into Tracey's neck from behind, clutching her close, urging her on. Holy fuck. She'd never been this hot in her life. She was about to rip her own coat off if Tracey didn't get busy. Shifting to gain more leverage, she yanked at the stubborn shirttail, distantly aware of the desk cutting into the backs of her upper thighs. The desk ...

With almost superhuman effort she tore her mouth away, gasping for the air she hadn't needed until now. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the turbulent look on Tracey's face. Wrestling with her own wishes, she finally breathed, "Not here."

Tracey was flabbergasted, moving her mouth wordlessly for a few seconds, her mind not readily registering the situation. Laboring to regulate her own breathing, it dawned on her to beg. Just as quickly as the idea arose it dashed away. Pressing her lips together she nodded. Kelly was right. After a prolonged pause, she cleared her throat. "Good call." Abruptly, she disengaged herself, backing away with exaggerated care. "No rush, after all."

Now it was Kelly's turn to look crestfallen. "I didn't mean we had to stop ..." She stood up, straightening her clothes automatically. "I just thought ... Tracey ..." She drew the name out petulantly, her tone patently disappointed.

Rapidly gathering her wits about her, Tracey ran her fingers through her hair. "No, you're right. Not here. Not tonight." She ran her finger along the edge of her desk, almost as if she were evaluating it. "We've had a tough couple of days. We're right in the middle of a big case ... a huge and complicated case..." She looked over her shoulder at her partner, smiling wryly. "And I don't know about you, but last night I didn't sleep worth shit."

Kelly didn't know what to say. She was cursing herself for her flash of decorum. She knew without a doubt that if she hadn't thrown up the red flag a few moments ago that Tracey wouldn't have stopped ... not until she ... dammit. She was miserable. Tracey's logic wasn't helping.

"So what are you saying? We just ... leave ... go home ... forget this happened?" Her voice almost broke as she asked.

Tracey spun around, eyeing her critically. "Hell no. Well, hell no to the last part. Assuming you have no regrets ..."

"Only that I ... interrupted ..." She rolled her eyes, utterly disgusted with herself, much to Tracey's amusement.

Teasingly she responded, "That's why I hired you. One of us has to be clear-headed and calm." She touched Kelly lightly on the arm, patting it for emphasis.

When Kelly didn't rise to the bait, her face still downcast, Tracey's tone became gentle. "After the Canton case is settled, decided, finished ... I for one ... fully intend to pick this up right where we left off ... somewhere private ... where we can be completely comfortable ... naked ..."

Her eyes practically predatory, Kelly took her hand. "There's no way I can talk you into coming home with me tonight?"

Jesus. That was just cruel. Reflexively she squeezed Kelly's hand as she tried not to stammer. "My God ... you're a regular roller coaster ride, did you know that?"

Belatedly, she realized that she might be misunderstood, that Kelly could be offended ... but to her total delight and amazement, Kelly laughed. She was beautiful.

"So ... are you a screamer?" Eyes twinkling, she raised her eyebrows comically.

Impressed, Tracey chuckled. "Well ... that's for me to know ... and for you to find out."

Smirking, she released Kelly's hand and reached for her coat. Pulling it on, she tipped her head toward the stack of files on Kelly's desk. "Leave those here. I've already gone through them. Plenty of time to kill while I was waiting for you." She pretended to look stern. "I want you to go home and get some rest. That's an order."

One eyebrow quirked back up. "Yes ma'am."

Something about the way Kelly said it raised the hair on the back of Tracey's neck. Later. Think about it much later. Holding the door open, she waited for Kelly to join her. As the blond drew next to her on the way out, she murmured, "Kelly ..."

"Mm?"

"I feel like I should warn you ... once I get you back in my arms ... I have no intention of ever letting you go." Her eyes fairly glowed.

Kelly's heart simultaneously contracted and expanded as she held that gaze. For a second she thought she might dissolve. "Promise?"

"So help me God."

* * *

the end.  
thanks for reading!


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